Befriending Jealousy: Navigating Threesomes Without Losing Your Heart (or Mind)

I have heard people say, “If you’re feeling jealous, you’re doing non-monogamy wrong. ”But let’s be honest, that kind of thinking doesn’t help much. Jealousy doesn’t mean something’s broken. It means something’s important.

If you’re in an open relationship, trying a threesome, or even just thinking about it, know this: jealousy is normal. It's not something you have to fight or suppress. You can actually learn from it, and even make peace with it.

Why Jealousy Isn’t the Enemy

Jealousy tends to carry a lot of emotion with it. It whispers (OR IT SOMETIMES YELLS):

• “What if they like them more than me?”

• “Am I still special?”

• “What if I’m not enough?”

But underneath all that noise, jealousy is usually trying to say something simple and vulnerable: I want to feel safe. I want to feel chosen. I’m scared something could change.

Instead of pushing that feeling away, try slowing down and getting curious. What if jealousy wasn’t something to conquer, but something to listen to?

Why Threesomes (or 'Moresomes') Bring Jealousy to the Surface

Adding a third person—whether it’s for one night or something deeper, can stir up all kinds of feelings. Desire, excitement, insecurity, comparison... It’s all right there, close to the skin.

Here’s how it can look, depending on the dynamic:

Two women and one man

• The man may feel overwhelmed or secretly proud, but not always emotionally prepared.

• The woman in the relationship might feel like she’s competing for attention.

• The guest woman may wonder if she’s truly wanted or just part of a fantasy.

Two men and one woman

• Competition between the men can flare—who’s better, stronger, more desired? Who has a biggger cock?

• The woman might feel powerful, or objectified, or both.

• One partner may struggle with seeing the other fully enjoy someone new.

A couple and a guest

• The couple might feel unexpectedly jealous watching each other connect.

• The guest might feel like a third wheel, or worse, a novelty.

Every setup has its beauty—and its challenges. What matters most is awareness, honesty, and compassion for everyone involved.

How to Befriend Jealousy

Speak it—don’t stuff it. Just saying, “I feel a little jealous,” can shift the energy in the room. You don’t need to explain it perfectly. You just need to let it be heard. It doesn’t make you weak—it makes you honest.

Stay calm and take ownership. These are your feelings. That doesn’t mean they’re wrong, it just means they’re yours to explore. Try not to lash out or assign blame. Avoid phrases like “You made me feel…” and try “What came up for me was…” instead.

Get curious, not reactive. Pause and check in with yourself. What did I need in that moment? Maybe it was more eye contact. Maybe it was feeling like a priority. Jealousy is often a clue pointing to a hidden desire, so let it guide you gently.

Don’t be afraid to pause. If things feel off, it’s okay to stop. A threesome isn’t a performance—it’s a shared experience. If you’re overwhelmed, say so. Take a short break. Ask to talk. Everyone’s desires and emotional safety deserve space.

Let it be a signal of love, not a threat. Jealousy shows up because something matters to you. It doesn’t mean your relationship is at risk. It means your heart is invested. Let that be a reminder to reconnect, not a reason to disconnect.

Stay connected during the moment. Little signals can ground you—eye contact, a hand squeeze, a whispered “I’m with you.” Make room for emotional presence, not just physical pleasure.

Talk afterwards—with care. Debrief gently. Share what felt beautiful and what brought up discomfort. Speak from your experience, not from judgment. If everyone feels heard, jealousy often gives way to a deeper understanding.

A New Way to Relate

We’ve been taught that love should be possessive. That sharing desire will lead to disaster. But when you open your relationship, or even just open the conversation, you’re choosing a different path.

And on that path, jealousy will sometimes walk beside you. That’s okay. It doesn’t have to be a monster under the bed. Sometimes, it’s just a quiet voice saying: I want to feel close again.

You don’t have to silence it. You just have to listen.