Let’s Talk About the Sex You’re Not Having
- Gregory Loewen
- May 21
- 2 min read
No one likes to talk about this part.
The dry spells. The slow fade. The nights when passion turns into polite pecks and scrolling silently on opposite sides of the bed.
But let’s name it: Even deeply connected, loving couples can stop having sex.
And here’s what most people don’t realize—It’s not always about attraction. It’s about everything else that piles up in the space between you.
Unspoken tension. Built-up resentment. Different libidos. Busy schedules. Emotional burnout. Sometimes… It’s just fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of asking for what you really want. Fear of hearing your partner say they’re fine when you know they’re not.
So we avoid. We distract. We scroll. We settle into a routine that feels safe, but not sacred.
And the silence grows louder than any fight could.
But Here’s the Good News: Silence Isn’t the End
That disconnection you’re feeling? It’s not a sign of failure. It’s a signal. A sacred nudge.
It’s your body, your heart, your relationship saying: “Hey. Something’s missing. Let’s find our way back.”
Not just back to sex, but back to closeness. Back to the play, the spark, the permission to want and be wanted.
Because rebuilding intimacy doesn’t start in the bedroom, it starts in the spaces where you choose to be real.
So Ask Each Other:
• What would make you feel desired right now?
• What’s been on your mind that you haven’t said?
• What kind of touch feels safe… or exciting… or healing?
And if that feels like too much, start even simpler: “I miss you.” Sometimes those three words open the door wider than any technique ever could.
There’s Nothing Wrong With You
You’re not broken. Your relationship isn’t doomed. You’re just being invited—again—to grow, to listen, to speak.
Because the sex you’re not having isn’t just about physical connection. It’s about emotional presence. And presence begins with truth.
So speak the truth. Name the distance. Hold hands while you do it. And remember: The spark never really left. It’s just waiting to be reignited by your courage.
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